If you grew up feeling like the problem - the one who got blamed, shamed, or misunderstood - you may have been the scapegoat child in a narcissistic family system.

And I want you to know: it was never your fault.

In narcissistic family dynamics, there’s often an unconscious need to preserve the image of the parent at all costs. That means someone else (usually the emotionally aware, sensitive, or truth-telling child) is cast in the role of the scapegoat.

💔 What is the scapegoat role?

The scapegoat is the child who absorbs the family's discomfort, shame, and dysfunction. They’re blamed when things go wrong, criticized for speaking up, and often seen as “difficult” simply for having needs or boundaries.

You might have been the scapegoat if…

You were labelled “too sensitive” or “dramatic”
You felt like nothing you did was ever good enough
You were punished for telling the truth or setting boundaries
You were isolated, even within your own home
You still carry guilt, self-doubt, or the feeling that you’re “bad” at your core

🌱 What happens to the scapegoat child in adulthood?

Many scapegoat children grow into adults who:

Over-explain themselves to feel heard
Take responsibility for everyone else’s emotions
Feel uncomfortable receiving love or success
Struggle with self-worth, despite their achievements
Repeat toxic relationship patterns because it feels “familiar”

But here’s what I want you to remember:

You were never too much. You were just never met with enough.

✨ Healing starts with reclaiming your truth.

Being the scapegoat doesn’t make you broken. It makes you someone who was brave enough to sense the dysfunction, even when no one else would name it.

Your healing lies in:
💛 Learning to trust your voice again
💛 Setting boundaries without guilt
💛 Validating your own experience, even if your family still denies it
💛 Surrounding yourself with people who see you—not the role you were forced to play

You don’t have to carry their wounds anymore. You get to rewrite the story.

🎥 Want to go deeper?

I recently shared more on this in a video about narcissistic family roles—especially the scapegoat dynamic.

WATCH NOW

You are not who they said you were.
You are not the problem.
You are the pattern breaker.

With so much compassion,
Michele x

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